pika-sso

I have gone like four days without reading any of The Game, guys.  I don’t even know if I can go back now.

 

pika-on-avon

For reasons that are probably connected to the fact that I spent the entirety of my adolescence as an unsocialized young lady entirely untouched by boys, alcohol, drugs, or mischief, I can draw a damn good Pikachu. This is probably something that other people claim, but I can assure you: I am the real deal.

My Pikachus are limitless, and I pull them out for all occasions.  Nephew getting bored at Bob Evans? Time for a purple Pikachu on his placemat. Forgot to give my brother something for Christmas? Why not a Pikachu holding a gun and a stack of money? Getting incredibly drunk on New Year’s with people I don’t know very well? No reason not to draw Pikachus with giant dicks on every possible surface!

What I’m saying is, in terms of drawing, I am kind of a one-trick pony, but I am absolutely shameless in deploying that trick at every opportunity. This is why I am completely at a loss to explain why, in the months that I have had my Wacom tablet, I have never once drawn a Pikachu with it.  

This is something I feel like I have to rectify immediately.  I feel like some artist, or some bullshit movie about an artist,  once said something about having to draw a thousand crappy hands before you could draw a good hand, or even a moderately uncrappy person, for that matter.¹  Logically, I think it follows that I need to draw a shit-ton of Pikachus with this thing to even start feeling like I actually know how to use it.

LET IT BEGIN.

1. I was so certain that this was a real quote of some sort that I googled, “Draw a thousand.” The first result: “I would draw a thousand dicks for anyone who buys me portal 2.”

Oh well.

The Game

So, for reasons that I don’t quite understand, I have been reading The Game. 

The Game, for those of you who are mature adults with better, possibly life-affirming, ways to spend your time, is a book about pickup artists.  The writer is a guy named Neil Strauss, though in the pickup artist community, he’s better known as Style.

Yep.

I’m only 42% in–  I have it on my kindle, which at least saves me from seeing how many pages of pickup artist tales I’ve read– so I can’t give you a full review yet, though god knows I will soon.  Even less than halfway in, though, I know way more about the seduction community (god, I just typed that) than I think I’d ever hoped. From what I know so far, here are some of the main tools in a master pickup artist’s toolbox:

• Jargon:  PUA, IOI, 3-set, AFC, AMOG, sarging, ASD… fuck me, but I know what every single one of these things means. Useful for memorizing advanced lady-hunting combos and consulting with your fellow artists without your prey knowing what’s going on.
• Names: A true pickup artist never gives a lady his name until she tells him hers. And then, when he does, it’s always something absolutely insane. Mystery,  Sin, Juggler, Matador, Extramask: these are only a few of the fine men of the seduction community.  Strauss never explicitly details the logic behind these nicknames. As far as I can tell, if someone who heard your name could plausibly mistake you for a minor Batman villain, you’re well on your way to becoming a master pickup artist.
• Peacocking: I almost put this in all caps, because it’s just so damn important. Peacocking is when you basically dress like some sort of nightmare magician clown to show the ladies that you are a unique and interesting man.¹  So, if you wear a giant fur hat or oversized goggles or even both at once, women will 1. notice you, 2. be able to tell that you are superior to other men, and 3. find you super attractive and probably fight with each other to sleep with you. I know, it makes sense.

The reason I’m so interested in peacocking is that it seems to be the first, and most essential step in the transformation from virgin to ladykiller. As far as I can tell, this is how it goes:

The “After” has probably slept with 3 women today.  I’m hoping the next 58% of the book will contain something that helps me understand how.

1. I looked for a good definition of peacocking, but I didn’t find anything that satisfied me.  However,  PUALingo.com helpfully provides this sample sentence, for those of you who need a little context:  “I am peacocking with my pink heart necklace tonight.”

diagram

I feel like I spend all day Saturday just dazed by the fact that I’m not at work.

This is pretty accurate, except for the fact that it doesn’t actually convey how unwashed I really am, or precisely how much of this loaf of cheese bread I’ve eaten.